It is no secret that the connections we are making with others are very important. Whether it is the relationship with your family, the love of your life or simply with friends. Social life affects our health and happiness in a good way, and I am talking about the real social life here and not about social media!
It is scientifically proven that friends affect us, and they also influence us in the way of living and habits. Not for nothing, it is said: “show me your friends, and I will tell you who you are” or
“surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you!”
On the other hand, relationships can make us vulnerable. We learned from Maslow and Mcland that people want to be socially accepted, so sometimes we let friends affect us in ways that aren’t in our best interests. Exhausting and tricky friendships like these are called toxic friendships.
The truth is that the older you get, the more complicated life gets as well and time is so precious. Relationships shouldn’t be so complicated. If you have one of those really difficult friends, you’re always fighting with; it is time to reevaluate that friendship.
I found out for myself that if you have to try really hard to get along with each other or make things work, it is time to call it quits because I am not 16 years old anymore!
After saying goodbye to toxic relationships, I really asked myself why did I devote so much energy and time to relationships that I knew were bad for me? The moment I moved away from people that brought me down, the more peace I felt and wondered what took me so long in the first place.
At this point, I also want to say that a toxic friend doesn’t have to mean that he or she is a bad person. Sometimes it is only the reason that you two don’t get along with each other. And if you are not sure, if you have a toxic friendship, here are 5 signs you should look out to.
Everyone, including you and me, has good and bad days. You can’t expect that someone else is there for you 24/7. Especially, because nowadays everyone is facing their own problems in some way. Nevertheless, we still can expect our friends to be with us in essential or hard situations.
For example, even though I don’t post something about it on social media or even talk about it so much, I actually do really care about my academic career and my future. I remember that there were a few times when I needed help with university stuff because I didn’t understand something. And instead of helping me and explaining it to me, those “friends” were laughing about me. Other times when I was asking something through a message, I didn’t even get a reply. As I said, a friend doesn’t have to be there for you 24/7, but in situations like this, it would have been appropriate to help me instead of laughing about me.
2. TRUST ISSUES
One of the essential aspects of friendship is trust. I mean it is crucial in any relationship. If you can’t trust your friend and always have to doubt something, this is not only bad for your friendship, but also for your own mental health! (Which is super important as well! Here is an article what might affect your mental health.). Sometimes smaller issues and conflicts can add up over time and will make up for a destructive friendship. Furthermore, continually doubting leads to anxiety and FOMO (Fear of Missing Something Out). Due to that reason, try to talk about it with your friend. Otherwise, the relationship will end as a toxic friendship. If you talked about it and there seems to be no solution, then consider thinking about the first aspect. Can you really rely on that friend?
3. THINGS DON’T FEEL EQUAL
My parents always taught me that in life it is about giving and taking. Never take something without giving. But they also taught me that sometimes people simply can not give you the same amount back than the amount you gave them. I always try to keep that in mind, but in the end, it should still feel a little bit equal in a friendship.
For a friendship that is going to work, we also need to put effort into it. Whether it is emotional or practical support and most importantly, it should come from both sides.
Don’t get me wrong, competition is good! I also think that competition is there for motivating you and for inspiring you! Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who can’t deal with competition, and they caught up in jealousy.
If you have a friend, who is always competing with you and furthermore, if your friend is not happy for you, then reevaluate your friendship!
Your beloved ones are supposed to support you and be happy for you when you achieve something great!
5. PEER PRESSURE
Now let me tell you something, if you are having friends, who don’t accept you the way you are, quit this friendship! Peer pressure is one of the worst things ever, and it is definitely not worth it to keep a toxic friendship like this!
Sometimes peer pressure comes in the form of forcing friends to do the same thing but always being criticised is a form of peer pressure as well. Keep in mind, that just because you don’t like the same sports or hobbies, or you are doing something else doesn’t mean you are less important and lovable!
Considering all these aspects, I also want to say that recognising you’re in a toxic friendship and getting out of it takes a lot of time and strength. It is definitely not an enjoyable journey, because losing a partner or a friend always feels like something inside you would break.
But from my own experiences, I can tell you that you are feeling better afterwards, and you will definitely have less stress! Sometimes you have to have the courage to end a toxic friendship for the better of your own but also for the other person.